Monday, March 28, 2016


My cave is cold with dripping walls. With cold mist and cold fumes of watery walls. A dark cave and lonely hollow. Echoing unanswered calls and despair. Then silence. Always silence. Always only silence.

My shadows are all on the wall. They're shadows of past loves and past companions. Of past dreams and past hopes. Of past loves. Past friends, past loves. Passed loves.

No one to lend a tissue. Or a shoulder. Or a dagger. To wipe away the drool and sob. To stop the pain of living. The knife of life, the slow unending impercetible decay of the soul. And the same. Always the same. Always only the same.

Don't complain. Don't let me hear that. He's already out the door and he's off the map. He's out of here. He got what he came here to get. He got what I gave him. Got them and gone.

How much do I want to throw that woman into a well and bury her face below a big pile of hard reddened rocks? Squash that ugly head. Make it hurt.

Make her gone.

But hey, it did the trick. Who's the winner? He talked well and dressed well. Talked honestly and took a big boulder of pretend truth and lies, shoved it up his nose and slowly chewed it; mouth open so I could see his bleeding teeth and his rotting brain oozing down his nostrils. He chewed me up and I let him touch the sole of my glass slippers. They encased pink toes held on his palm. And gently loved the soles of my toes with his mind. And fucked me over with his back. He turned away. Shrugged. Looked at me again. He took a plane and smoked a cigarette. Kissed a blonde in California.

There's a thorn in my heart. Someone placed a rose near my heart. And with it my heart grew to double its size. And then he plucked the thorn out, gave my rose to someone more deserving. I haven't stopped bleeding. Not for a nano part of a second. For centuries now. On this long winding road I walk alone and cry alone and laugh alone at my insanity. I pray alone to dark walls in this cave that won't let my prayer escape to God. He's looking for me. I know it, he cried my name. I heard it on the whisper in the echo of the bats. Crying my name - crying for his lost child. The cave walls thick, the blood gushing. My heart bleeding with the burden heavy. Power fading. Light extinguishing. The dog dying. The cat lying. The girl crying. The stupid stupid animal.