Monday, March 17, 2008

Exercise for the mind

I think we all know that we're small. We all know we're petty and insignificant. We know that we know nothing, that we will never in our short, normal lives be able to grasp anything that holds true value. No matter how gullible we play, I believe that we all know our lives will not mean anything. Not truly. It is my strong conviction that we are perfectly aware from the day we are born that we will not change the course of the universe, but rather that we are meant to simply integrate into the course of it.

Of course, we've trained ourselves to ignore all of this.
The fact of the matter is, in order for us to do all the meaningless shit we do every single day, we have to be deeply self-deluded into thinking that it matters. This might just be the most emo-sounding, apparent Fight Club-plagiarism I have ever written. And indeed, it is beyond words to explain how deeply I understand the phrase "It does not matter".

Our delusion at time peaks. It peaks in attempting to 'leave something behind', something that inconceivably will last through time and will make a difference to the world. Such a narrow definition for such a powerful word.
Ahh, art. The fantasy. Art is to the world what to me is the exact particular shape of the leaf cut by the red ant on the shore of the Amazon at point 10,453 km, on a rainy autumn's day in May, at 3:45 and 52 seconds. I do not know and I do not care. I don't give a shit. And you don't either.

The importance of absolutely everything is equal to zero.



No-thing. Nothing. Take a note of that. NO - THING. Vain.

And yet. What can be more beautiful in the world for the human mind to grasp than... the futility of its efforts. As we've had the misfortune of wondering, tell me then. What can bring more peace to a soul than intuiting and accepting nothingness.

What can be more serene and valuable than a death with meaning?

A meaning that you yourself can grasp. A meaning that does not arise from thought-up make-belief premises that bare no proof, no test, no evidence and no honest or true conviction from anyone. But a meaning that is as evident as water is to fish; in need of no advocate or reason, aided by no priest or madman, forced upon no creature. It is the meaning which can bare no name. It is personal to the extent that expressing it is describing the color red.
It is despair beyond recovery and, at the same time, hope without a taint of blood.

It is in each of us, should we care to wipe the dust of social and moral righteousness off the humble chest of simple truths.

It is not an end, nor a beginning. It just is.