Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Oh well.

Mistakes. Guilt. Annoyance. Banging head against wall. Attempting to hurt the wall. Ending up hurting the head. Wanting to find an excuse. Begging for a good excuse to come to mind. None. Whatsoever. Begging for a gunshot to the chest. None. Nothing. All the worst things in life, rolled up into one. Wish I could smoke it and that would be the end of it.

I hate guilt. And being mad at one's self. That's the worst thing. Nothing is actually worse than blaming yourself and knowing that you're right.

For the most unsuspected things even. The ones that seem to matter the least, yet do the most. Not realizing, not thinking, not judging, too much judging, ignoring, not prioritizing. Key ingredients for a guilty lunch, guilty encounter, guilty day, guilty hell.
Oh well.