Monday, April 30, 2007

Busy. DND. Permanently

'Hey! What's up?' - 'Busy.'
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'Still busy? Come on' - 'yeah. it sucks. gotta go.'
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'I'm so busy. Gotta finish that one tonight, the other thing by Wednesday and ultimately get around to working more than should be expected of any 18 y.o.'

2007 seniors in high school, in Romania, will pretty much know where I'm coming from. I won't comment anymore on that particular topic seeing as this year is an exception that overrides all laws of common sense or decency and that for some reason only students can seemingly understand.
But maybe I'm subjective.

In any case, I got some very interesting feedback on the 'Let's talk contrasts' post and after some consideration I've come to agree with Filmfritz, who later shared the conclusion drawn on his forum regarding mediocrity. Mediocrity does not equal balance. One cannot use the term balance when referring to mediocrity. Mediocre people are, indeed, the ones that have never experienced the extremes, have had no desire to do so nor do they have it regarding the future. Near or distant.

Balance, on the other hand, implies a person's full knowledge regarding their decision. It means that they've tried or at least come close to both extremes and have made a conscious decision regarding their present or future.

Also, being a workaholic is in no way a decision. Most (keep in mind, not all) of those who do become such sad individuals have had a slow, but steady rise. They've been encouraged to aim higher and higher. And the material rewards were plentiful. So yeah, what moron would stop at this point? I guess you only start to realize that something's wrong with the picture when you have a vacation. No more friends to call or bars where the bartender has the slightest idea who you are. And, of course, the crucial moment when you realize your relationship is no more. It just vanished. Poof. Nothing went wrong and nothing went right. The phone calls just stopped and you didn't even notice. You stopped hearing the phone ring a long time ago. But you didn't even notice that either.

Well that, my friends, is what I call sad. Not taking time off to watch a ball game or refusing to be no.1 for the sake of a hot date and certainly not turning your paper in late because you went to visit your grandmother.

However silly these examples are, I'd rather be willingly silly than obliviously sad.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Sun... flowers

Well things are looking up. It's spring and I've quit some of my addictive and energy-consuming habits. Who ever said that the time for resolutions is January 1st?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Oh well.

Mistakes. Guilt. Annoyance. Banging head against wall. Attempting to hurt the wall. Ending up hurting the head. Wanting to find an excuse. Begging for a good excuse to come to mind. None. Whatsoever. Begging for a gunshot to the chest. None. Nothing. All the worst things in life, rolled up into one. Wish I could smoke it and that would be the end of it.

I hate guilt. And being mad at one's self. That's the worst thing. Nothing is actually worse than blaming yourself and knowing that you're right.

For the most unsuspected things even. The ones that seem to matter the least, yet do the most. Not realizing, not thinking, not judging, too much judging, ignoring, not prioritizing. Key ingredients for a guilty lunch, guilty encounter, guilty day, guilty hell.
Oh well.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Let's talk contrasts

I believe most of you agree that balance is one of the most important aspects of life. It's present in almost every human and animal activity, whether it's on a conscious level or not. Mostly not.
We die so that others can have a chance to live, we are born because there is such a thing as male and female. The world is built on contrasts. Now this isn't something new, no doubt about it. I believe we've all heard of the Yin-Yang philosophy a few times. Or at least worn a necklace with the round-shaped symbol. But do we really understand the concept? And what's more, do we fully agree with it?
Understanding it isn't that hard. You can't be happy unless you've experienced sadness, you can't think of something as beautiful unless you've seen something ugly. Our brain works on a level where we compare everything we see and experience with something we've seen and experienced before. No matter how wrong that is in some cases (xenophobes, for example). Keep in mind I'm referring to actual thinking here, not primary, genetic instincts.
OK. With that out of the way, my question is this : what about progress? Sure, balance and tranquility is nice, it's what we're all supposedly looking for all the time. But are we really?
No human progress or so-called progress in some cases was ever built on balance. It always meant pushing one side more than the other. For scientific discoveries, it meant giving up on religion, on social status and sometimes on your own life. For the religiously and spiritually successful people it meant only trusting one side of their personality and giving up on many things that made sense scientifically. What about on a micro level? We can't ever have both personal and professional lives that are exceptional in every way. Or both spiritual and material wealth (ok, those cases are very rare and usually imply an unusual status to begin with). Or both a good figure and a shitload of endorphins all the time. Even biological evolution itself depends on going beyond the limits and the status quo, developing one extra feature that others don't have and that will lead to your specie's survival. You know, I could go on forever. But the point is that everything out of the ordinary, everything exceptional and that leads to any kind of progress, whether it's on a personal or global or universal level, implies breaking the balance. But there's the big 'but' that comes with it.

So then what's the conclusion? Does well-being come from balance or from progress?

Or is it ultimately balancing THOSE two?
No matter how I look at it, it's always a circular chain of questions...

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Poetry wasn't written for the critics


... the same way life doesn't exist for the sake of rules.

Flowes don't smell so that we can catalog the aroma. A child doesn't smile at us so that we can label him as young. The sun doesn't shine so that we can study the color palet and eyes aren't beautiful for identification purposes.
Parents' love wasn't born so that a family can be the nucleus of society and friendship between two dying patients is not a socially strategic move.

So why do we insist on spoiling it?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Great expectations

The greatest things in life come at the worst time possible, have you ever noticed that?


Alanis Morissette has a great way of putting it :

"An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just can't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think... "

The car you've dreamt about your entire adolescence - you get to have when you're 25 and way too busy to actually enjoy it.
The inspiration you desperately need when in a creativity exam - you get at 3am two weeks later.
Getting into the dream-university overseas - it happens 6 months before your actually get to go there.
Meeting someone you're hugely attracted to and would have mad sex with - happens 5 years into a serious relationship with someone else.
Finally coming across a true friend - happens after you've dealt with countless not-so-true friends and your trust in all people is "through the roof".
Realizing the great family you have - only after you've left them and went to face the real world.

And a classic, personal favourite of mine... Realizing that being a kid rocks - AFTER you grow up.

The only thing that I can actually get whenever I want is probably ice cream.

I've heard a lot of people say that the worst thing that can happen to you is getting what you really want. These words usually come from people who are terribly frustrated. Ever notice that, too? This is said to be faith's way of protecting you from yourself. There have been countless philosophies and religions saying you shouldn't even want anything at all, either because you're not gonna get it or because you're not gonna be satisfied with it.

How about we just get what we want, when we want it, FOR ONCE.

Eh, providence?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Celebration of certainties

Some people find their happiness right away. Never did understand how that works. They meet someone in high school, get married in college, have kids after university and move to the countryside after retirement. How can they do that? How can they not wonder at all at 21? And even worse, how are they so sure they’re not missing out on anything? The counter attack would be saying you can never know what you’re missing out on at any given time. True. But when do you stop looking? And most importantly why?

Some people search the globe for that subtle sign that says ‘joyful bliss 2 lovers ahead’. They travel from city to city, country to country, eventually continent to continent and possibly to the moon, if they can wait a decade or so. But something bugs me about this, too. Because the more places you see, people you meet, jobs your change, religions you experiment and cultures you think you know, the more it becomes obvious that the possibilities are endless. Truly endless. So why in the world stop?

It’s said that asking yourself such questions is a sign of maturity, preoccupation for the future, desire for knowledge and a sure path to finding out what you really want.
Ok, I’ve asked them.

Now what?